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I lost my vg top and bottom at 19

Hello I’ve been dealing with sexual issues since I first became gay, when I was a teen when I hooked up with oral I would not talk the person again.

I lost my virginity top and bottom at 19, but went into a relationship where I was the bottom only for a very big well endowed guy for a year and a half.

After that I was confused and had a hard time finding myself, because when I topped I couldn’t last for longer than 2 mins sometimes less and didn’t want to bottom because of my first relationship. Throughout my 20’s I abused myself sexually with lots of hook ups, hate to say it but at this current moment been with over 300 guys and not even sure if that is accurate. For a while I thought I had a sex addiction, but felt it was the norm in gay society.

I’ve cheated in all my relationships and most of my relationships we have 3somes or 4 somes that sometimes end badly. At this current moment I have a loving partner who is amazing and verse, but I find myself sexually distant from him, I don’t wanna top or bottom or do anything which makes me sad, but also find myself wanting other men. We’re getting married in Oct but I feel scared because if we’re not having sex, it could mean doom.

This all started when I became more spiritual, I feel I’m on the right path, but also not being sexual anymore. I was reading up on tantra and even looked into going to a body electric retreat until I came across tantric massage. I feel I’m needing help with rediscovering my sexuality so I can be intimate with my fiance and what to explore with him vs not even kissing or touching throughout the day, I’ve lost several bfs now due to this behavior.

Any help would be great,

Thank you very much Alex.


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Dear Alex,

First of all you are very young, real matureness starts at the age of 31 

It doesn’t matter how many sexual experiences you had, the confuse about the sexual role before the age of 31 is natural and also spiritually supported until you will arrive to the point of aligning your soul, ego and physical instincts. 

In younger age each of the mentioned facts is pushing to other angle and may generate tensity and suffering. 

The core to your existence is the sexual energy and before escaping to spirituality is important you will learn your nature – choosing the sexual role that align your emotions too, so from there spiritual awareness will be easy to contain and maintain for higher growth.

I strongly recommend you to take the both courses online I present the entire male sexual – spiritual process in order to help you reaching your place in the world in body and via the outer experience. 



Both courses in total will take you through 10 hours of nonstop knowledge and will confront all the obvious thought you carry with yourself right now to a new shore. 


The sexual consciousness you will achieve through the classes will serve you to align your direction in sexual field and to be able to focus on what is relevant that will serve your spiritual growth with any person you will choose to be.

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